Wear Clean Draws  (’coz there’s 5 million ways to kill a ceo)

i posted this in a thread at lbo’s discussion list. M liked it, so I’m posting it here in case readers might enjoy:

i’m starting to envision the lanky fellah (obama) on a twister mat, with him contorting himself into all kinds of positions. maybe he’ll get contorted enough to suck his own dick, so everyone else can stop sucking it and let him crab walk himself to a corner, sucking away. maybe he can just stay there, eyes darting from the corner like some hermit crab, never to be heard from again.

man, i wish i had a drawing board at the ready. that’s an awesome political cartoon image.

also, maybe obama’d like this abstinence education technique. poor kids’ll be scarred for life:

(link: http://www.salon.com/books/review/2008/07/08/sex_in_crisis/index1.html)

Consider this classroom exercise: “Boys and girls are invited to chew cheese-flavored snacks and then sip some water, after which they are to spit the resulting ‘bodily fluids’ into a cup. After a game in which the fluids are combined with those of other students, ultimately all cups are poured into a pitcher labeled ‘multiple partners’ sitting adjacent to a pitcher of fresh water labeled ‘pure fluids.’ In the final segment, each boy and girl is asked to fill a cup labeled either ‘future husband’ or ‘future wife’ with the contents from one of the pitchers.”

also, did you know? there used to be a page online about the theology of autofellatio. This is the only thing I could find in my archives:

Introduction <... My core idea is so simple, it can be revealed in one sentence. It is so radical, shocking and heretical, that you would stop reading if I put that sentence next.

The inerrancy of my idea will not be based upon personal authority and erudition, neither on a tenuous chain of evidence ending in antiquities. Rather, it will be so evident as to be incontrovertible, like the purloined letter of author Edgar Allan Poe, once exposed. <... I would label it as gnostic, for it can be apprehended directly by a solitaire without instruction, also because it agrees with, and explains many doctrines already labeled as gnostic within and without Christianity. <... I will first tell you the matter straightforwardly. Then, because it will be offensive to many people, who would turn away, I will launch into listing strong evidences given by an host of witnesses before me, and show how they and I are saying the same thing.

I am about to write an ordinary word that can be used to label and to discuss a very special "Word of God", which latter is reflexive, and can never be told to anyone other than oneself:

"Autofellatio".

That ineffable word is the solution of the otherwise mysterious famous equation opening theGospel of John in the New Testament:

John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

If you can even temporarily and tentatively accept my positing such a seemingly profane and blasphemous interpretation of that central concept, then we may begin to solve many additional symbols by using the following simple hermeneutic, or interpretive principle: Seek out expressions that are isomorphic to autofellatio, also to several other sexual activities that I will help to point out, and assign meanings to any new symbols implied by those expressions until all symbols can be consistently resolved, universally.

When the right interpretations of symbols are found, those meanings will be found to stand up from cover to cover throughout and across all the secular and religious texts of all lands and all times whose authors have demonstrated the gnostic inspiration of autofellatio.

This hermeneutic will also serve to discriminate between inspired texts and uninspired texts, for the latter texts will be shown to have no correlation at all with the isomorphisms of autofellatio, their authors being ignorant of the spiritual relationships that become apparent after someone suffers the metanoia (greek: "a change of mode of thought and feeling, repentance"), metamorphosis caused by autofellatio.

more at:
http://www.hughes.net/~scheper/theword.htm

you can catch up with the old glen scheper http://home.earthlink.net/~glenn_scheper/