shagalize button
By shag carpet bomb • Apr 10th, 2010 • Category: Belly Button Lint, Racialization
Are you up at midnight reading some wanker on a mailing list? Are you wondering why you’re sitting in your underwear holding a hammer and sickle? Do you ever ask yourself, is this *not* my wonderful house? my beautiful wife?
On those occasions, you may just find it difficult to find the words to convey ostentatious befuddlement and ridicule.
Install the Shagalizer button on your keyboard. Then, highlight the sentences, paragraphs, chapters, entire dissertations you’ve written that do not convey ostentatious befuddlement and ridicule. Then, hit the Shagalize! button. Instantaneously, your text will be transformed.
The default level of Shagalizement is set at a level of 5. This produces at least one (1) of the following words for every 30: fuck, shit, crap, ratfucker, dickwad, assclown, pissed, piss off, asshole, fucktard, dickinshit, fuckme, jackass, and dipshit. Occasionally, the Shagalize! button will generate, “goddamned dickswinging motherfucking batshit asswipe.” The insertion of this phrase is random and cannot be estimated because it is a trade secret. Similarly, while we are able to apply a metric to enable you to measure the Shagalize! cuss factor, we cannot share the trade secret to the Shagalize! befuddlement or ridicule factors.
However, in order to constantly improve the Shagalize! product, we ask that you provide feedback each time you use Shagalize! After you’ve highlighted and Shagalized your selected text, you will be asked to mark a check in the checkbox indicating whether Shagalize! has delivered the appropriate level of befuddlement and ridicule. If you approve, mark the checkbox indicating the approval. If you are disappointed, mark the checkbox indicating you are disppointed. You can re-Shagalize!
By indicating your dis/pleasure with each Shagalizement, you will be contributing to Continuous Quality Improvement that guides Agile development here at Shagalize! LLC.
To obtain a higher Shagalize! density, simply press the CTRL + Shagalize! keys simultaneously for each higher level of density you’d like to achieve. You can achieve a Shagalize! densisty of up to 10 which is approximately 10 of these words for every 60.
To achieve a lower Shagalize! density, press the ALT + Shagazlie! keys simultaneously for each lower level density you’d like to achieve.
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What? No 1-800 number to call for technical support?
good idear Julio! that way, I can keep callers in an endless loop of voicemail jail!